Bokom Bok ... Onorthok

হযবরল
সুকুমার রায়

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বেজায় গরম। গাছতলায় দিব্যি ছায়ার মধ্যে চুপচাপ শুয়ে আছি, তবু ঘেমে অস্থির। ঘাসের উপর রুমালটা ছিল, ঘাম মুছবার জন্য যেই সেটা তুলতে গিয়েছি অমনি রুমালটা বলল ``ম্যাও!'' কি আপদ! রুমালটা ম্যাও করে কেন?
চেয়ে দেখি রুমাল তো আর রুমাল নেই, দিব্যি মোটা-সোটা লাল টক্টকে একটা বেড়াল গোঁফ ফুলিয়ে প্যাট্ প্যাট্ করে আমার দিকে তাকিয়ে আছে!
আমি বললাম, ``কি মুশকিল! ছিল রুমাল, হয়ে গেল একটা বেড়াল।''
অমনি বেড়ালটা বলে উঠল, ``মুশকিল অবার কি? ছিল একটা ডিম, হয়ে গেল দিব্যি একটা প্যাঁক্পেঁকে হাঁস। এ তো হামেশাই হচ্ছে।''
আমি খানিক ভেবে বললাম, ``তা হলে তোমায় এখন কি বলে ডাকব? তুমি তো সত্যিকারের বেড়াল নও, আসলে তুমি হচ্ছ রুমাল।''
বেড়াল বলল, ``বেড়ালও বলতে পার, রুমালও বলতে পার, চন্দ্রবিন্দুও বলতে পার।'' আমি বললাম, ``চন্দ্রবিন্দু কেন?''
শুনে বেড়ালটা ``তাও জানো না?'' বলে এক চোখ বুজে ফ্যাচ্ফ্যাচ্ করে বিশ্রীরকম হাসতে লাগল। আমি ভারি অপ্রস্তুত হয়ে গেলাম। মনে হল, ঐ চন্দ্রবিন্দুর কথাটা নিশ্চয় আমার বোঝা উচিত ছিল। তাই থতমত খেয়ে তাড়াতাড়ি বলে ফেললাম, ``ও হ্যাঁ-হ্যাঁ, বুঝতে পেরেছি।''
বেড়ালটা খুশি হয়ে বলল, ``হ্যাঁ, এ তো বোঝাই যাচ্ছে--- চন্দ্রবিন্দুর চ, বেড়ালের তালব্য শ, রুমালের মা--- হল চশমা। কেমন, হল তো?''

Er beshi bangla font type korle kichhu jaantrik golmaal dekha dichchhe tai puro-ta sorasori ekhane chhapte parlam na...dukkhito. Er poreo porte chaile ...ekhaane achhe puro 'HA-JA-BA-RA-LA'...

Prithibi-taa kaar bosh?
Prithibi taakaa-r bosh.

Ek-dui-paanch-dosh,
Note gunish khos khos.

Taakaa diye shobkichhu jaye ki re kena?
Kena jaye moni-mukto, kena jaye sona.

Gaari-baari, jaama-juto,
Raashi raashi, mutho mutho,

Taaka diye kinbi bhabish tui bhalobasha?
E shudhu aakashkusum, shudhu-i britha aasha.

Bangali'r chhele chhotobelaye ar kichhu poruk ba na poruk Narayan babu'r chhobir boi (ingreji te jaake bole 'comics')obosshyo-i porey.


Na, aami shei shob bangali-der katha bolchhi na jader chhelepule ra prothome 'J.K.Rowling', tarporey 'Mills and Boons' ebong obosheshe 'Sydney Sheldon' porey boro hoy, othoba 'Oh my God! You won't believe kaal raattirey I had so much of maatha-r jontrona' ei kaidaye Benglish bhashaye katha bole.

Ami tader katha'i bolchhi jara muri-telebhaja khete bhalobashe, ilish machh bolte pagol, prothome Narayan babu'r Bantul The Great, Haanda Bhonda, Nonte Phonte ityadi , tarporey Manik babu'r Felu-da, Professor Shanku ityadi, tarpor Sarat Babu, Bankim Babu, Sharadindu Babu ebong kromosho Sunil babu , Sanjib Babu o Shirshendu Babu-der lekha porte porte bere othe.

Obosshyo Probashi bangali-der katha alada. Tader ami hisheber baire-i rakhchhi.


Narayan babu'r apatodrishtite sadharon kintu prokritopokkhe oshadharon shilpokorme'r kichhu nidorshon pesh korchhi :

Bantul The Great.

Haanda Bhonda.

Nonte Phonte.

Buro hotey chollam kintu ekhon-o porte oshombhob bhalo lage. Nonsense literature jinish ta eksomoye Upen babu ebong tNar suputrer kalyane Bangla shahityer oporiharjo ango hoye uthechhilo kintu aaj shei shilpo obolupti'r pothey. Narayan babu notun poddhoti-te oi shilpo ta ke mrityushojya theke tuley aante perechhilen kintu tNar porey durbhagyoboshoto ar kono eirokom lekhok ba shilpi bangla shahitye ashen ni. Asha kori adur bhobishyot-e amra kauke na kauke abar dekhte pabo.

Mod ba gaanja taanle manush hebbi aantel-marka kathabarta bolte shuru kore daye. Bishesh kore bangali polapan-er pet-e jodi ektukhani porey, tahole to shorirer rondhro rondhro theke anonukoroniyo darshonikota'r sob nidorshon chhitke chhitke beriye aashe.
Aamar ek bondhu achhe je mod-er cheye gaanja beshi pochhondo kore. Beshi taane na , hoyto mashe du-ekbaar BABA'r pesad paye, ar tatei osadharon sob funda jharte thake.
Ekbar Discovery Channel-e haati'r jonon-prokriya'r oporey ekta tothyochitro dekhte dekhte gaanja-ye sukhtaan dichchhilo. Tokhon-i or mone ekta proshner udoy hoy. Sotti sotti-i bhabar bishoy. Bhebe bhebe ekhono porjonto onek boro boro bagha bagha bisharod-ra'o sei proshner kono uttor dite pare ni. Proshno ta chhilo : Stree haati purush haati ke blowjob ki bhabe daye - mukh diye na shNur diye?

Onno ek bondhu'r katha boli. Se chhilo bhoyanok dhormobheeru lok. Kintu pete du-phonta porlei Bhogoban-er biruddhe or buker moddhe jomey thaka somsto obhijog, obhimaan, raag eksongey beriye aashto. Ekbar lobh samlate na pere se ekta sundori meyer buker dikey takiyechhilo. Tarporei tar money hoy ekta maratmok paap hoye gechhe (praye rape korar-i saamil). Tokhon-i o monostho kore nae je paap-er prayoshchito korar jonne oi meyeti ke-i o biye korbe. Chena nei, shona nei soja meye-ti'r barite giye tar baba'r kachhe biye'r katha pere boshlo. Tar porey ja hoyechhilo ta ar bollam na. Kolpona kore nin. Er din-du'ek porey amader maal-er addaye eshe du-peg whiskey mere lotke giye kannakati jure dilo byata. "Aami to paap-er prayoshchitto korte cheyechhilam Chumki ke biye kore. Thakur amake setao korte dilo na. Prayoshchitto jokhon korte debe na tokhon paap koriyechhile keno amake diye? Ami tomar ki kkhoti korechhi? Tumi amar shongey politics khelchho keno? ..." ityadi ityadi.
Sedin onek koshte oke samlano giyechhilo.


Ebar aashi amar ar ek bondhu 'mama'-r kathaye. Mama'r introduction ami ekhane agei diye diyechhi. Mama'r chhotobela theke shuru kore aj porjonto ojosro Girlfriend chhilo. Ekjon korey eshechhe ar kete porechhe. Maal khelei sei sob hariye jawa girlfriend-der smritibijorito kathabarta bolte shuru kore mama. Ek ek din ek ek jon ke niye nostalgic hoye pore. Shesh joner chole jawar dukkho ta ekhono bhulte pare ni mama, tai tar chole jawar din (may mash-er kono ekta din) niyom kore protyekbocchor mama dukkho kore ar maal khey kannakati kore. Bakider jonno kono fixed date nei. Jekono din korlei holo.

Amar ek mama achhen (ini sotti sotti-i mama, mayer sejo-dada). Bishal boro post-e kaaj koren. Prodhan Montri, Ortho montri, Bidesh montri enader songey tNar otha-bosha. Tini saradin oklanto porishrom-er porey bari te phirey Whiskey , soda ar borof niye boshen ebong majhe majhe hothat kore emotional hoye poren. Ekbar uni amake dhore phelechhilen ebong praye ghonta-du-ek dhorey boktrita diyechhilen. Ami tokhon college-e pori. Gorom-er chhuti te mama'r kachhe giyechhilam.
"Amake dekho. Ami to khub sadharon chhele chhilam. Gorib school-master er bokhe jawa chhele. Sei ami jodi shudhu porishrom ar atmobishwas er opor bhor diye ato dur ashtey paari, tumi keno parbe na. Tumi to bhalo chhele. Ta chhara aj kal baba-ma tomar sob chahida-i puron koren. Kono jinish niye tomake compromise korte hoy na. Amader to hazar hazar compromise kore kore boro hotey hoyechhe...." ityadi ityadi. Amar tokhon 'Chhere de ma (or mama), kende baanchi' obostha. Lyaje-gobore hoye palate parle baanchi.....

Aaj atota-i.

Amar ekkaler ek ghonishtho bondhu'r songe bohu bochhor hoye gelo kono jogajog nei. Majhe majhei khub miss kori take. Shei je ekbar college theke beriye elam, tarpor tar songe ar dekhai hoy ni.

Ami ar mama (mayer bhai noy, amar ar ek bondhur college-e pawa daaknaam eta) niyom kore soptahe du'din college shesh kore beriye ashtam campus-er baire, highway-er dhaare, edo jhil-er paashe Bhombal-da'r dhaba te.

Sondhe 6 ta theke boshe portam 60 degrees up! marka sobuj rong-er botol niye. Botol er moddhe thaakto 600 ml 'bangla',paati bangla-te jaake bole 'deshi mod'.Ei holo amar shei purono bondhu - 'aamar shonar bangla'.

Eta janar porey onekei hoy to bhabchhe achchha garol-er pallaye pora gechhe...chhi chhi, ar maal pelo na! Sei sob bhodromohodoy abong bhodromohodoya der boli- 'bangla' niye ato naak sitkanor kichhu nei. Ek botol banglar daam ek botol old monk rum er daam er soman. Je nikrishto maaner deshi mod kheye hameshai majoor-mutey shrenir lokjon pakostholi te bishkriyar jonne haspataley bhorti hoy seta holo 'chullu'. Bangla onyo jinish, onek oporer level-er sophisticated maal. Jara chekhe dekhechhe tara chhara er mormo keu bujhbe na.
Limca, jol ar bangla jodi 2:1:3 onupate mishiye jomiye adda ditey ditey mara jaye tahole tar taste Bacardi Limon ke'o haar manaye. Ar tar moddhe 3-4 tukro borof mishiye diley to kathai nei.

Jai hok, abar phirey aashi Bhombal-da'r dhabaye.
Ei Bhombal-da ek ajob choritro. 24X7 maal kheye lattu hoye thaake. Dhulu dhulu chokhduto sarakkhon jobaphooler mato taktake laal. Ardhek katha mukh theke beronor aagei joriye jaye kintu mogoj ta hameshai sanghatik speed-e kaaj kore. Bishesh kore jedin dhabaye dhabaye illegal mod-er byabsa bondho korar jonye police-mama-ra eshe dhoo maare sedin somosto maal-er botol bishaal boro plastic er bag-e bhore bag-er mukh bhalo kore bondho kore jhil-er jole dubiye lukiye rakhar fondi-ta dekhe amra hokchokiye giyechhilam. Ghotonakrome sedin-i amra dui mokkel giye haajir. Poshchim Bangla'r agnikanya 'didi'r maa'r kachhe amader prakton prodhanmontri jerokom 'Mashima malpo khamu' bole abdaar korechhilen, thik sebhabei tana du-soptaho porikkha'r chokkore maalbihin jibon katanor pore amra giye 'Bhombal-da bangla khabo' bole chillamilli korchhilam. Onyo keu hole hoy to Bhombal-da 'na' bole dito kintu amra chhilam or peyar-er chhoto bhai tai amader jonyo maachh dhorar chhip diye jhil-er joler moddhye theke plastic-er bag ta tene ene tar moddhye theke bangla'r botol ber kore diyechhilo, Police-er kyalani khawar risk niyeo.

Dui syangaat-e boshe bangla taantam ar tar songey kichhu somoy chhere chhere niyom-mafik papor, salad, dim-er bhujia ar ekebare sheshe ruti ar kosha mangsho thakto-i.
Dhabar pechhone ekta adho-alo-adho-ondhokar ghore dorir khatia-te boshe, edo jhil-er hawa khete khete se ki ayesh !

Chivas Regal, Johnie Walker Black Label, Royal Stag, Bacardi, Absolute, Alcazar, Fling, Smirnoff, VAT 69 - eshob to onek holo, aaro hobey....kintu bangla'r shei aamej kothao pai ni. Mone'o hoy na pabo boley.
Bhombal-da ekhon dhaba chhere nijer ekta borosoro Restaurant khule phelechhe Kolkata-Mumbai national highway-er opore.

Bochhore ekbar-du'bar jokhon bari jai, somoy thakle dekha kore jawar cheshta kori...kintu college chharar porey bangla khawar soubhagya ar hoye othe ni.
Ami ar mama plan korchhi shiggir-i Bangalore-e Banglar thek khule boshbo ar somosto Bangalore-bashi bangla-premik bangali ke nemontonno korbo.

Joy Bangla !!!

Besh kichhudin hoye gelo ei banda bloga-blogi korchhe kintu kebolmatro ingreji te.
Bheto bangali ar lalmukho-der bhasha niye kotodin kochkochi chaliye jete pare...
Tai Aabar eshechhi phirey, dhansiritir teerey, ei banglaye....